请老师帮我修改作文（感谢信）

问题描述

老师，以下是我写的一篇感谢信的作文。能否帮我看一下这篇作文语法、用词是否有错误，如果写的不正确，烦请帮忙指正。万分感谢。

Dear Mr. John,

     Thanks for your great help for my studing English. My English make great progress. I am the grateful for it. Without your help, it's impossible to acquire good achievement. Your positive energy and help have been an inspiration to me.

      My mom told me that you are really busy these days. Please take good care of yourself. Hope I can see you soon.

      Again thank you for your encouragement and support.

                                                                                                                 Sincerely yours

                                                                                                                         Li Yuan

老师答疑

刘老师：

Dear Mr. John,    

Thanks for your great help with my English study. My English make great progress(改为：My English has improved a lot 或者 I’ve made great progress in my English study). I am the (去掉the) grateful for it (跟第一句重复). Without your help, it's impossible for me to acquire such good achievement. Your positive energy and help have been an inspiration to me.      

My mom has told me that you are really busy these days. Please take good care of yourself. Hope to see you soon.     

Again thank you for your encouragement and support.

虽然稍嫌太短，但文采不错。为了保持原样，我尽量少改动。有几个地方写的还比较精彩，如：Your positive energy and help have been an inspiration to me.    Again thank you for your encouragement and support.

注：红色部分也是改过的内容。

蒋老师：

刘老师的修改非常好！另外补充两点不成熟的修改，不一定对，仅供参考！
1. 最好不说 Dear Mr. John，直接说 Dear John 即可，因为在通常情况下，John 是名，不是姓，而按英语的习惯，我们通常是在“姓”或“姓名”的前面用Mr之类的称谓词，而不在“名”的前面用Mr之类的称谓词。如果这个人叫 John Smith，你可以称他为 Mr Smith 或 Mr John Smith，但通常不直接说 Mr John。
2. Without your help, it's impossible for me to acquire such good achievement. 一句是否可以考虑用虚拟语气。因为对方的帮助已经是“事实”，这里假定“没有你的帮助”，其实是对“既定事实”的假设（与既定事实相反的假设），所以感觉用虚拟语气会好些。